Sticky Notes

Dear Readers:

I think I figured out today how important Administrative Assistants are for keeping a good face on the office. Do you ever find yourself covering up your bosses mistakes?

I realized that I spend a lot of time editing memos that my boss wants to send out, both to employees and to the public. My boss is a computer-phobe, meaning that in the twenty or so years of the "computer-age" he has learned just enough to get by. He much prefers a type-writer, but the clunky, circa 1962, electric antique that we have parked in a dark corner of the office is, alas, on its last legs. Therefore, my boss has to use his computer to publish the many memos and notes that he sends out on a regular basis.

The one problem with him using a word processor is that he has no faith in the word-wrap function. Instead, as on a typewriter, he hits return at the end of every line and the word-processor, being the smart creature that it is and thinking that he wants to start a new sentence, capitalizes the first letter of the first word on each line.

His memos look like this:

Please be advised that all employees

Are to be issued new, blue linen shirts for

Working in the field. These shirts are not to

Be worn anytime other than working hours.

Employees found violating the dress code will

Be dealt with immediately.

(I made the text of the memo up. We have no blue shirts and no dress code. But you see what I mean right?)

Thankfully, he usually runs these memos by me or one of the other Administrative Superheros before he sends them out...although the occassional one has slipped by.

We quietly fix the paragraphs, never mentioning to him that there is a word wrap function and he can trust in the fact that the computer knows when it's time to end a line and start another one. To try and teach this would be highly stressful for both parties and would cause more tension than it's worth. It's so much easier to help him look like the efficient, well-educated businessman that he presents to the world.

I just realized today though that this is what we do. We fix mistakes before they go public. We are our bosses' PR Agents. We make them look like stars!

Sincerely yours,

Copier Girl

/vhb

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Dear Readers:

Gosh, I just love reading these wikiHow's. I started off reading this one about how to accept criticism at work...at the bottom of each one are links to other wiki's and I clicked into this one, which I found rather amusing.

How to call in sick when you just need a day off. Has anybody not done this? If you haven't you're a better person than I am. They don't happen often, but sometimes there are days when I just can't face the office...being a full-time Administrative Superhero, Mommy and underpaid Taxi-Driver takes its toll and getting a day of rest can make all the difference in my outlook on work and life.

This tip produced chuckles:

For an added effect, bend over your toilet while pressing your forearm into your stomach so you begin to sound like your stomach is really being affected by whatever you are calling about. (Usually this would make you sound like you just finished vomiting.)

Have you laughed with your wikis today?

Sincerely yours,

Copier Girl

/vhb

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Dear Readers:

I was just reading an e-zine I get monthly...I get a lot of them and read them all. Do you read ours? Administrative Avenue's newsletter is called Shorthand and you can subscribe to it here.

Anyways, I was reading a rather lengthy article in this particular e-zine that threatened to be interesting. The only problem being that I was distracted by the large number of sentences beginning with "And"...I counted over 20 of them in the one article! You see, I was lead away from the main message the article was trying to convey by my desire to have the sentences flow better. This is one of the diseases I suffer from as an Administrative Assistant -- proofreaditis...it's a debilitating condition causing the patient to suffer from tics when encountering mistakes in publications. There is no cure, so reading my local paper (which I swear is proofread by preschoolers or those monkeys at typewriters) causes great pain.

Here's a few notes on using a conjunction at the beginning of a sentence:

Beginning a sentence with a conjunction

It offends those who wish to confine English usage in a logical straitjacket that writers often begin sentences with “and” or “but.” True, one should be aware that many such sentences would be improved by becoming clauses in compound sentences; but there are many effective and traditional uses for beginning sentences thus. One example is the reply to a previous assertion in a dialogue: “But, my dear Watson, the criminal obviously wore expensive boots or he would not have taken such pains to scrape them clean.” Make it a rule to consider whether your conjunction would repose more naturally within the previous sentence or would lose in useful emphasis by being demoted from its position at the head of a new sentence.

From: http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/nonerrors.html

-------------------------

Sentences beginning with "and" or "but" are found in English as early as the ninth century, in the Old English Chronicle, and such sentences can also be found in Shakespeare, the King James Bible, John Locke, Edmund Burke, Lord Macaulay, Charles Dickens, and others. There's nothing inherently wrong with the practice.

If a sentence is incomplete, or if so many sentences begin with "and" that its overuse is notable, that is indeed a problem, but one that should be treated on its own merits.

From: Random House

Now, I'm ready to admit my own transgressions. Some of you probably ask yourselves, "Copier Girl, what's with all the dots in sentences?" I mean, in the words of Chandler Bing from Friends, "could there be anymore dots?"

I guess I write as if I'm talking to someone...taking a pause as I need it and representing that pause as three dots. That must be what the writer of that article is doing...maybe she talks with a lot of "ands".

And...I'm...done...with...this...rant...

Sincerely yours,

Copier Girl

/vhb

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Dear Readers:

My friend Carla Vaughan has written another superb article on The Purpose of a Resume: To Win the Interview.

Check it out on Administrative Avenue. I'm adding things daily and working on the next issue of Shorthand, due November 12th. If you're not already a subscriber, then sign up here.

Hope you had a great Halloween...next up, the Holiday Season!

Sincerely yours,

Copier Girl

/vhb

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Dear Readers:

So I didn't exactly make it here in my Dracula teeth and cape this morning. An unfortunate incident occurred at a party on the weekend and my two dollar plastic cape was reduced to ribbons. Who says Administrative Assistants never have any fun?

Instead, I came dressed as the Poker Queen. A crown of "diamonds" - the Royal Flush on the front - a five card necklace and high pairs pinned to my clothes. At least I can now go and buy lunch with my head held high, as everything is detachable and I didn't have to go all out on the makeup this morning.

There are cookies everywhere...our Receptionist Superheroes went "Martha Stuart" on us and made cookies shaped like fingers, spiders, bats and even little brown mice. My diet is taking a back seat today!

It's threatening to rain here in the Lower Mainland of BC, so my little trick-or-treaters will probably get wet tonight. No matter. They'll be happy as long as they get lots of candy.

Wishing you and yours a safe and happy Halloween!

Sincerely yours,

Copier Girl

/vhb

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Dear Readers:

Do any of you dress up for Halloween in your office? I never have before, but one of our estimators is a Halloween nut (she LOVES it!)...so I guess we're dressing up around here on Monday.

Will I be the only one driving to work with Dracula teeth?

I vant to know...

Sincerely yours,

Copier Girl

/vhb

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Dear Readers:

Another "How To" brought to you by wikiHow...How To Exercise While Sitting At Your Computer

This was my favourite one:

Take advantage of the downtime created by rebooting or large file downloads to get up and try something more ambitious such as doing a few push ups, sit ups, and/or jumping jacks. Beware of your snickering co-workers though.

When I was riding the commuter train into Vancouver a few years ago, there was a guy who would turn up at the station every day in his business suit...and he would get down on the pavement and do push-ups and sit-ups right there on the platform! He even brought a mat, so his suit wouldn't get dirty...

Sincerely yours,

Copier Girl

/vhb

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